Friday, June 09, 2006

Edited Ten Commandments for the Louisiana Legislature

[Upon reading that the Louisiana Legislature was editing the Ten Commandments in a bill to require the posting of said commandments, one of our members decided to help them by coming up with a edited set suitable for most legislative bodies]

In light of this, I figured I would edit up the commandments for them, as would be appropriate for a legislature.

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me, but note, worship of power, money and self-diefication are just fine.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, but 2 ton monuments depicting this list do not count.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain, but using it as poltiical tool is just dandy.

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy, but to show we are really keepers of gods law, we won't even work half the year and keep the rest holy.

5. Honour thy father and thy mother; well not as much the father, but definately the mother, so long as she is pumping out babies and preferably barefoot.

6. Try really really really really really really hard not to kill, unless of course they are brown and have oil under their feet, but then its just collataral damage.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery, but f^&*ing your constituants is perfectly acceptable.

8. Thou shalt not steal, we call that campain contributions.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour, but since your political opponents won't likely be neighbours, its perfectly alright to say that they drink the blood of puppies while they howl at the moon.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, cause under eminant domain, it technically belongs to us.

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