Friday, May 26, 2006

Meditation Weirdity?

Ok, everyone knows I suck at sitting still. So I suck at most meditational practices that involve being still. But, for the last month almost, I have persisted in my efforts during weekdays (weekends are too nuts) to sit down before my hearth for 15-20 minutes of meditation. I light a candle and focus on it, the beauty of it, etc until I can stop fidgeting.

Then I shut my eyes. Now, I flunked the part of all the various seminars over the years on visualization -- so you can imagine how weird it is to me to see things when I shut my eyes after a few seconds of looking at a candle. I told myself initially that it was a sort of after-image effect 'burnt' onto my eyes.

Not too sure of that now. What I get is often the exact image of a candle flame, but reversed -- bulbous end UP, and also, the flame part is a black void surrounded by a sharp deliniation line of incredibly brilliant emerald green. Outside this line is a glowing field that shifts in color, from a luminous gray, to shimmering violet or sometimes a deep red glow. Occasionally the field is turquoise blue or azure. It moves about in my closed-eye 'field of vision'.

I have been considering this some sort of visual hallucination, and pretty much ignoring it, other than, well, it IS pretty and more entertaining than trying to keep my mind off the soaking dishes.

But another thing kind of unnerves me, and this week has been particularly rife with this experience. As I sit, eyes shut, I become very aware of my own suddenly seems so strong and noticeable that I feel as if I am moving with it, as if my body is rocking with it. The sensation is like synchronizing clocks or something, as if what it is... well, is not just my heart, but as if it is striving to achieve a matched rhythm to something outside myself.... the beat of the world? I don't know, but the last couple days, my chest has hurt when I am done with my little experiment in sitting still. Opening my eyes stops the rocking sensation at once.

Anyone with tons of experience have anything to tell me about this current weirdity? Is it going to go away or get worse, for example?

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