Monday, March 19, 2007

I was a Pagan Wack-Job

Pagan wack-jobs. They troll our boards and steal our TV time, living in their own little worlds. We all like to pass around a good story about self-proclaimed witch queens and Atlantean Dolphin Masters. But I sometimes wonder exactly how many of us have been there.

I say this because I myself was once totally, completely, straight up batshit crazy. Ok, well, maybe that's a harsh way of saying it, but I was definitely living in my own little world, designing personal epics to make myself feel special. Just like the "what if this is all a dream?" or the "what if I'm gay?" question, I think there comes a time in every person's life when they ask themselves, "what if I'm the second coming of Christ?" Only for me, it was, "what if I'm the last incarnation of Vishnu? Vishnu's much cooler than Jesus..." And my self-esteem was just low enough that I decided to go ahead and run with that. It didn't matter that I was female, raised Catholic, and Puerto Rican. I needed to believe.

I did constantly question this belief throughout, which I guess could mean that I wasn't deluded in the traditional, clinical sense - and that might be the difference between someone like me (who eventually came to her senses) and someone like the Heaven's Gate leader. But still, it was a bad place to be in.

So I wonder how many here may have been in a similar place, and how they got themselves out of it. Was it an adolescent thing that you grew out of? Did someone, mortal or divine, snap you out of it? Does anyone have any similarly ridiculous stories to share? I mean...I can't be the only one, right? ::laughs nervously::

(Pre-emptive Note: This isn't meant as a criticism of the Pagan community...however, I do think that certain New Age ideas (like how everyone has a spirit guide and everyone has a special purpose on earth) can have a tendency to feed our egos in the worst ways, producing countless ex-Cleopatras and Second Comings. Not that other religious systems don't have similar traps to fall into. Tibetan monks must be willing to "risk madness and death" to follow the Buddha...and I think the same might be true for the rest of us.)

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