I tend to quite enjoy ritual, whether it is something very planned and 'set by the book' or something that I've designed/written myself. I don't perform rituals very often, and when I do they tend to be for either a particular spell or for Wheel of the Year celebrations. I am solitary at the moment, and still beginning the, umm, journey of exploration, so any rituals are only involving myself. I enjoy researching to find out what things would be appropriate to include. I can be a bit of a correspondences geek but I try not to let things get too stilted, either.
However, I have a stumbling block which is quite a biggie for me, and which makes me feel REALLY STUPID: I have real problems saying things out loud.
That looks even stupider written down than it sounds in my head.
What I mean is, I can think of appropriate words for rituals, incantations, spells, prayers, invocations, whatever (either made up or something I've found which fits the bill)... but when it comes to saying them out loud I feel, well, a bit of an idiot really. I have no idea why, because I don't have any problems doing the actions of the ritual, which could seem at least as daft to any external observer! But as soon as I start to say anything out loud, I get ridiculously self-conscious and my focus goes out the window.
I don't have any problems with public speaking / presenting, so I don't think it's just the sound of my own voice that freaks me out *lol*
I haven't seen this mentioned on the old boards or heard it raised as a possible issue for newbies - does anyone else have this problem or am I just weird like that?
Does anyone do their rituals without speaking at all? If so, what's your approach - do you make writing things down into a part of the ritual, perhaps, or do you just make a point of devising your rituals as 'actions only'? I am definitely by nature more of a 'words person' than anything else, so feel I would be losing something important if I tried to make my rituals 'action only', but does this work for other people? Do you just have to get used to feeling silly and override it?
Maybe it's because I feel like it would draw attention to me? I'm very rarely in the house on my own, so perhaps the feeling that I'm being 'overheard' is getting in the way for me, even though my partner is Pagan? (I have never done any rituals with him around, so I'm uncertain as to what his feelings about it would be, exactly...) Sometimes I do rituals outdoors, which tends to be in a bit of a dodgy area so although I don't have any difficulty finding a secluded spot, I also instinctively don't want to draw attention to myself there as the seclusion could work against me.
Or perhaps I'm just being an idiot?
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