Saturday, July 31, 2010

Losing a connection?

The short question: Has anyone ever lost contact with their god/goddess for an extended period of time? What happened? Did you ever get that connection back?

The background, for my specific case: I was first drawn to my goddess about 3.5 years ago. We've had what I can only describe as an incredibly close relationship this whole time. She's always been fantastic about communicating with me, several times a week on average. There are times when we can't talk because she's busy, and it's never really bothered me, since she's really good about following up with me, usually speaking with me a few days after a missed connection. Prior to this year, we've never been incommunicado for more than a month at a time, and we've usually picked up right where we left off.

Things changed this year, though. I was really sick for a while. I wrote my senior thesis. I searched for a job. I struggled through classes. I graduated. I moved. I got my life in order. Through it all, I would send the occasional mental note (tinged with guilt and regret), "Sorry, I've been busy, I haven't forgotten you, and I miss communicating with you. Just give me a little more time." I never seemed to have energy or time for any more than that, and I just hoped she'd bear with me.

Finally, a couple of months ago, I finally was back in a stable place in my life, so I wanted to get back in regular contact with her. So I sit down, reach out, and get nothing. Complete radio silence. I figure she's busy. So, I wait and try again later. Still nothing. Lather, rinse, repeat for the next 8 weeks.

At some point a few weeks ago, I started to get a sinking feeling that maybe something had changed, and whatever connection we had is gone. It's not a thought that pleases me, because I'm not really ready or willing to give this up yet. Usually I'd just ask her, but obviously that's out of the question for this instance. My other methods of divination and answer-seeking have come up with absolutely nothing. I'm really, truly stumped, not to mention a little concerned and confused.

Anyone have any ideas or suggestions? I'd love to hear anything that comes to mind.

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